The Green Lights Must Be Sleeping

I barely slept last night. First, it seemed like going to sleep early seemed like a peachy idea since I had to get up at 4:30AM this morning to go to work quite early. But I kept tossing and turning all night. My dog Bailey seemed to understand my discomfort and decided that the most effective remedy would be to make me get up and take her outside at 3AM. Bully good idea. So I finally fell asleep at about.........fighting... urge... to... sleep...must... keep... typing...

Why 4:30AM?? It seems like I'm the only one awake at that time except for the owners of the cars parked outside of the Arby's that's open 24 hours a day (yummy roast beef at 4AM?? Who the crap eats roast beef at 4AM?). Anyway, I decided to begin getting more experience consenting patients for our tissue bank at the cancer center. They don't know that I am coming to see them... I just show up in my magic white lab coat before they are about to go into pre-op for surgery. The early rounds of surgeries start at 6AM, so the patients show up at about 5:30AM. So I have to get there before they do or I might miss out on consenting them for research.

I don't mind getting up that early every once in a while. It's really not too bad when you consider that I can leave work sometime around lunch time and go home. Of course, I have to come back and pick up Karen, but hey, did I mention I can leave at lunch?? The other upside to coming in this early is getting to feel the cool morning breeze while I sip my cup(s) of coffee and see the sun come up by the time everyone else gets to work. It's a nice change of pace sometimes.

One thing that drives me crazy is the green lights on the way. Normally, we don't get stuck at lights much on our commute. But at 5AM, I get stuck at every single light on the way! It's as if the green lights are sleeping and the red lights are on call. I must point out how funny it is that we sit at lights when NO ONE else is around us, but we have been conditioned to just sit there and wait (unless you are my older sister who I can't imagine waiting at lights too long). Is there some kind of force holding us back while we scream at lights trying to persuade them to change? I'm not Catholic, but I've probably had confession at least once or twice trying to convince the priestly traffic light to change from red to green in exchange for my repentance from all my mistakes. My penance? Wait 5 more minutes at the light... then drive 1 more block before getting stuck again. Grrrrr.

Did I mention that I'm leaving at lunch???? Thought so.

lessons from "Good Will Hunting"

I sat down and watched "Good Will Hunting" last night and quickly remembered why it is one of my absolute favorite movies. I decided to copy this scene and post it on here for two reasons. First, it's one of the best monologues I've seen Robin Williams perform... so full of emotions! Second, and most importantly, it reminds me of how much I desire to live and experience life! I want to explore the world around me and see God's creation. I'd love to meet people of different cultures and share a cup of coffee with them. Stuff like that...

This scene reminds me of those desires. It also reminds me to take off my mask and let people know the real me. Anyway, here it is:

SEAN:
I was thinking about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. I stayed up half the night thinking about it and then something occured to me and I fell into a deep peaceful sleep and haven't thought about you since. You know what occurred to me?

WILL: No.

SEAN:
You're just a boy. You don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about.

WILL: Why thank you.

SEAN: You've never been out of Boston.

WILL: No.

SEAN:
So if I asked you about art you could give me the skinny on every art book ever written... Michelangelo? You know a lot about him I bet. Life's work, criticisms, political aspirations. But you couldn't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. And if I asked you about women I'm sure you could give me a syllabus of your personal favorites, and maybe you've gotten lucky a few times too. But you couldn't tell me how it feels to wake up next to a woman and be truly happy. If I asked you about war you could refer me to a bevy of fictional and non-fictional material, but you've never been in one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap and watched him draw his last breath, looking to you for help. And if I asked you about love I'd get a sonnet, but you've never looked at a woman and been truly vulnerable. Known that someone could kill you with a look. That someone could rescue you from grief. That God had put an angel on Earth just for you. And you wouldn't know how it felt to be her angel. To have the love be there for her forever. Through anything, through cancer. You wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in a hospital room for two months holding her hand and not leaving because the doctors could see in your eyes that the term "visiting hours" didn't apply to you. And you couldn't know about real loss, because that only occurs when you lose something you love more than yourself, and you've never dared to love anything that much. I look at you and I don't see an intelligent confident man, I don't see a peer, and I don't see my equal. I see a boy. Nobody could possibly understand you, right Will? Yet you presume to know so much about me because of a painting you saw. You must know everything about me. You're an orphan, right? Do you think I would presume to know the first thing about who you are because I read "Oliver Twist?" There's nothing you can tell me that I can't read somewhere else. Unless we talk about your life. But you won't do that. Maybe you're afraid of what you might say. (Sean stands and begins to walk away)

It's your move Chief.

Family Man

Here are the lyrics to an Andrew Peterson song that I'll try to comment on later this weekend... I'm too tired tonight as I've been awake since 4:30 and need to sleep.

Family Man

I am a family man
I traded in my mustang for a minivan
This is not what I was headed for when I began
This was not my plan
I am a family man

But everything I had to lose
Came back a thousand times in you
And you fill me up with love
Fill me up with love
And you help me stand
'cause I am a family man

And life is good
That's something I always knew
But I just never understood
If you'd asked me then you know I'd say I never would
Settle down in a neighborhood
I never thought I could

But I don't remember anymore
Who I even was before
You filled me up with love
Filled me up with love
And you help me stand

So come on with the thunder clouds
Let the cold wind rail against us, let the rain come down
We can build a roof above us with the love we've found
We can stand our ground
So let the rain come down

Because love binds up what breaks in two
So keep my heart so close to you
And I'll fill you up with love
Fill you up with love
And I'll help you stand
'Cause I am a family man

I'm saving my vacation time
For Disneyland
This is not what I was headed for when I began
This was not my plan
It's so much better than

Man in the White Lab Coat

So I work in a cancer research center/hospital, which means that I see a metric-butt-ton of people walking around wearing white lab coats. They look important and official with their names embroidered on the coats (for some reason usually in blue cursive letters put there by the magic lab coat fairies). It's also a prerequisite that your job title has to be something that no sane human can figure out what it is you do... for example, "otolaryngologist." These doctors treat head and neck cancers, but who knew? Otololy, otololy, jolly what a day.

Anyway, so why I am blogging about this? Well, I had to go out and get a white lab coat to wear when I go consent patients for research studies since it's part of my newly revised job. It was explained to me by one of my bosses that apparently people take us much more seriously when we come in wearing white lab coats. THAT'S IT??? There's no other explanation like, "Well Chad, you see, white lab coats help to save lives because they absorb the heebie-jeebies in the patients room..." or something like that. But no, that's really the reason. People think that I'm more important and better educated, so they are more comfortable with signing a consent form for research with me. I just have to say how crazy that is to me. IT'S JUST A COAT! Of course, I'm sure Joseph said that when his brothers beat the snot out of him and sold him into slavery, but hey, who's counting? I definitely thought the whole world was laughing when I walked into the store to purchase this coat. All I could see was racks of hundreds of scrubs in different colors and with stupid characters on them. I guess people get really bored from wearing the same thing every day and thus choose to wear pink scrubs with funny farm animals on them or something equally as goofy. Anyway, when I went to pay for the coat, the lady asked me if I needed it embroidered. YEAH right. What would mine say??

Chad B.,
"graphic designer who also consents patients for research studies and can order supplies for you, if needed."

That screams TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. So I do have to admit that while it is a little odd, it's also kinda fun to have this magic coat and get to do various cool tasks around the cancer center. Anywho, maybe I'll post a picture of me in the coat someday so you can see how ridiculous I look in it considering how far from being a doctor I am and how the thought of being one causes me to laugh uncontrollably like kids do when they try to hold back laughter at a birthday party, but inevitably end up shooting Sprite out of their nose when they can't hold it any longer.

The Imitation of Christ

Karen and I have decided to read "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas à Kempis in the mornings. If you're not familiar with the book, the chapters are only about a page each, so it's manageable in a 30 minute commute. This should serve the purpose of allowing us to get our minds going on something spiritual rather than early morning talk radio or Air1 (God bless them for what they do, but I'm tired of hearing the same 5 songs all the time!). So here are the main things that stuck out to me this morning after reading chapter 1:

• "If you want to understand Christ's words and relish them fully, you must strive to conform your entire life to His."
  
• "Esoteric words neither make us holy nor righteous; only a virtuous life makes us beloved of God. I would rather experience repentance in my soul than know how to define it."
  
• "It is vanity to give thought only to this present life and not to think of the one that is to come."
  
• "It is vanity to wish for a long life and to care little about leading a good life."

I think these statements stand alone and need no attempted explanation from me. I would, however, like to mention that the line "I would rather experience repentance in my soul than know how to define it" rocks my world.

So feel free to give me your thoughts on these 4 statements!

Starting Over

Welcome to my new and improved blog. See how shiny and spiffy it is? It's ready for many postings full of random things from Chad. Yes I know... I've tried several times to keep up a blog and have largely failed. The main reason for this was accidentally pointed out to me by my brother's best friend who was telling me that he loves reading other people's blogs, but can't imagine why anyone would want to read his because he thinks his life is boring.

"Who the heck wants to spend 5 minutes reading about MY life?? It sucks. I don't do anything THAT exciting!"

Well, that sorta explains my thinking. I know my life isn't boring and I don't feel like it's mundane, but I still never thought anyone would want to hear about it. However, I've come to the realization that since I've already managed to sucker (brooohahahaha....my plan is working perfectly) a few people into loving me for who I am... maybe they'd like to know what I think about things from time to time. Who knows. So Chris, if you're reading this... CONGRATULATIONS! I'm officially a blogger again :).